Friday, May 30, 2008

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Facts of Life

You take the take the bad. Go F Yourself Life
I was driving on the way to a job interview this morning and in the process of leaving a phone message for one of my clients when I heard a loud clunk. Because I was behind some dump trucks - IN MY FOUR MONTH OLD CAR - I figured that my car got hit by a rock.
When I arrived at my interview, I got out of my car and looked around...and much to my surprise, I didn't see any damage to my car....
When I got home tonight though, I noticed that there was indeed some damage to a place I hadn't even looked...My entire sunroof had a gigantic hole in it and was shattered in millions of pieces - no doubt due to a rock speeding toward my car at 80 mph.
Now, I need to have it inspected by my insurance on Thursday where I fully expect them to tell me that they won't pay for any of it. F'me.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Poo

For most of my life, the Indiana Jones series has been one of my favorite movie trilogies. So I went into this summer's "Crystal Skull" -- 20 some years after "The Last Crusade" -- with some skeptism. Turns out that I had good reason.

From the start, I hated this movie. So much so that I contemplated lighting my hair on fire so I could run out of the theater for my life.

In the very first scene of the movie, Stephen Spielberg - a once great filmmaker - chose to pay homage to Raiders of the Lost Ark by shooting the first scene in the secret warehouse they stored away the Lost Ark in. Turns out that the secret warehouse was in Area 51. ...Who knew?!

This movie was a complete eye rolling gag fest from start to finish.
I rolled my eyes when a 60 something Harrison Ford - one of my favorite actors of the 80s -deadpaned a few hideous, cliche riden lines.

I kept rolling those same eyes when Indy was dragged out of a quicksand pit with a large snake - something that Indiana Jones of my youth hated...snakes!

My eyes continued to bulge out further and further from their very sockets as mindless contrived drivel spewed out of the actors mouths.

And my eyes nearly teared up and fell out of their sockets when Indiana Jones became E.T. and Close Encounters of the Third Kind rolled into one. I kid you not.
Indiana Jones is not supposed to be a sci-fi flick.
It was at this point, late in the movie where I turned to my wife and told her that I felt like crying. She and a couple people behind me laughed. The people next to us didn't laugh though because they were sleeping. Yes, sleeping through the first "big movie of the summer of 2008."

I thought George Lucas did an unforgivable thing when he introduced Jar Jar Binks to the Star Wars series. He topped himself by introducing aliens to Indiana Jones.
God, I hated this movie. ...

Friday, May 23, 2008

The World I Know...

My wife and I experienced a Sopranos-type moment during the American Idol Season 7 Finale on Wednesday night.

My wife and I initially liked 17-year-old David Archletta, but the little pipsqueak soon wore on our nerves and we grew to hate him. It came to the point where we openly rooted against him. So, after David Cook sang a lackluster performance of Collective Soul's "The World I Know" on Tuesday night, we voted numerous times for him to be the winner of Season 7. I called it my Kerry vote, because it was like the people - including me - who simply voted for John Kerry for President in 2004 because they hated George W. Bush. They didn't like Kerry; they just hated Bush so much that they voted for Kerry by default. Same thing with the David Cook vote.

So for the Wednesday night American Idol Finale, we were forced to sit through 2 hours of the show - which is just way, way too long to expect someone to sit through - until we could find out who won.

And as we reached that final seminal moment and Ryan Seacrest announced: "The winner of Season 7 of American Idol is David --"

And then our fucking DVR recording switched off and skipped the very next -- and most important - part of that sentence. Technology's sure wonderful in the world that I know.

After we -SCREAMED - switched back to the show a second or so later and saw the Cook family celebrating, we figured out what happened; but it truly ruined a pretty dramatic moment...pretty much like when the screen faded to black before Tony Soprano was shot to death in the finale of the Sopranos...

Friday, May 16, 2008

Holy Jesus!

I've been waiting to hear about the eventual books that come out about the New York Giants Super Bowl XLII Championship. And I heard about the first one tonight. Holy Jesus! I've got the money set aside already for this baby when it comes out on September 8th!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

I Love Mike Mussina

Just ask Smelmooo....for the last 3 years or so, I've grown to hate Mike Mussina. When others were chanting Moose (which really sounds like BOOO!), I was actually booing.

While Mussina has gone 98-66 as a Yankees starter since joining the team in 2001 and won an amazing 256 games over his career, I never liked him. I always associated him with his old team -- the Baltimore Orioles - and felt that he symbolized everything that was wrong with the free spending Yankees after the Dynasty died in 2001 -- according that bastard Buster Olney.

There's been times since 2001 that Mussina has been the Yankees number 1 pitcher. I put up with him then. But as the years went on, his fastball lost a few miles on it each other and I grew to hate him more each and every start out. I don't know what it was about him. It came to the point where I stopped watching Yankees games when Mussina pitched - which is weird for someone who tries to watch every Yankees game during the year.

This year though has been different. At the beginning of the year, Mussina was slated at the team's fifth starter and not much was expected of him. Many said that he would be out of the rotation by mid-season. That isn't close to happening now as since the beginning of the season - besides two bad starts against the Red Sox - Mussina has pitching superbly.

In 9 starts this season, Mussina has gone 6-3 with a 3.99 ERA. He's won his last 5 straight starts where he's given up only 9 runs. He's not throwing flame up there to get hitters out, but is keeping them off balance with his 83 mph fastball - yes, 83 mph - and his 66 mph change-up - yes, you heard that right. I could even hit a 66 mph baseball in my high school days.
Now, I look forward to every game that he's pitching. He's been a bright light in the dark first 1/4 of the Yankees 2008 season. You can't say that for many people on this $200+ million team.

And that's why now I love Mike Mussina.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Random Thoughts

Tony Romo is such a fool...
After choking during the playoffs the last two seasons, you think he would be trying to improve his quarterbacking skills. But no. Instead, this offseason, Romo has appeared on the cover of US Weekly (not that I read that) with his bad luck charm Jessica Simpson, he's sung and danced on stage with a rock band (can't remember the name) and yesterday he threw out the first pitch at the Chicago Cubs game, prior to singing a gaud awful rendition of Take Me Out to the Ballgame. If you heard it, you know how atrocious it was.
Here's a picture of Romo after his Cubs cameo....

Oh wait, that picture was taken after the NFC Divisional Game loss to the Giants. Sorry for the screw up.

GTA IV - 25 hours in...

I'll admit that I jumped the gun after reviewing GTA IV after only 5 or so hours in. Now, after 25 hours, I'm in love with the game. The camera and shooting a gun inside a building still sucks (all of the time), but the game is so immersing that I'm willing to forgive the occasional flaw of this completely immersive gaming experience
I'm a huge fan of the side missions where you can steal a cop car and run down everyday criminals or where you can deliver packages to people looking for a little extra curricular activities....
It's a great game and I imagine that I'll be getting back into playing through the main story line sooner or 30 hours later.
Paperboy Continues to Hate 4-Star Oscar Winners

I'm assuming that 2001: A Space Odyssey won a bunch of Oscars when it came out in 1968, but here's another example of an award winning movie that I couldn't get through. I watched the movie for 35 minutes and turned it off.
It's not like I'll ruin it for you by saying this...but for the first 22 minutes (I counted) of the movie, there is not one ONE word of dialogue. And when the dialogue did start, it sucked.

Not recommended.

Monday, May 12, 2008

I Hate Conference Calls

Have you ever been on a boring conference call that has went on way too long and you have no idea why you are still sitting on the call. I mean, you're not even listening to it any longer and probably couldn't put together a coherant sentence (not unlike this blog) if someone asked you a question.
Well, I'm on that type of conference call now. I hate all conference calls. I think they should all be banned. They are just an excuse not to do any work done.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Best Seats Ever

Smelmooo invited me to yesterday's Yankees vs. Indians game and while the Yankees lost 3-0 and didn't generate any offense whatsoever, the game was great because we sat in seats 9 rows from the field.

It was really great. Here are some pictures. And yes ladies, Derek Jeter is more handsome in person than he is on TV.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Bore Me....With Oscar Winners

I don't get the Academy Awards. They never give awards to good movies...The last time a good movie got an award it was when The Departed won Best Picture along with a bunch of other awards. This past year's Oscar winners definitely didn't deserve awards. ....

This weekend, I watched Michael Clayton and No Country for Old Men. Both movies had three things in common: They were odd, confusing and I turned both of them off midway through.

I didn't understand either movie.

I didn't like either movie.

While the wife didn't watch Michael Clayton, she did watch 10 minutes of No Country for Old Men before getting up and running out of the room like her hair was on fire.

Not recommended....the movies, I mean.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Entertain Me with....Grand Theft Auto IV

I've been looking forward to Grand Theft Auto IV for longer than I can remember.

GTA Vice City and San Andreas were two of my favorite games of all time so it was no brainer that I would buy GTA IV when it came out.

My expectations were even greater after I read the great reviews about the game. Many reputable video game websites rated GTA IV a 10 overall and potentially the best game ever created.

After playing GTA IV for 8 hours, I must say that I'm slightly disappointed with the game. While it's definitely somewhere between an 8.5 and a 9 because of the GTA's patented dirty humor and story - both which I love -- it's not a 10. ...not by a long shot.
I don't like the way the game controls. For instance, it's hard as hell to accurately aim and shoot at an enemy. It took forever for me to learn how to drive a car in the game. And many times in the game, the camera behind your character swings wildly around and is really disorientating.

That said, once you learn how to drive a car in GTA IV, it's truly a wonderful experience driving around the game's many neighborhoods. I honestly felt like I was in GTA's Liberty City at times.
But in the end, I really believe that great games need to have great gameplay. And while some of the game's missions are fun, it's just way too difficult at times to control the main character. I recommend the game, but warn against anyone expecting a game that's been reviewed as being "the best game ever made."

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Giants Visit The White House

The Super Bowl XLII Champion New York Giants visited The White House yesterday and while I hate Bush - the President, not the #@# - I had to post this picture.

Yesterday's event brought back some memories for me. I had the pleasure of attending the 1998 White House ceremony to celebrate the National Champion victories of Kentucky Wildcats Men's Basketball Team and Tennessee Volunteers Women's Basketball Teams. I was an intern at The White House at the time and it was one of the highlights of my time there...