For most of my life, the Indiana Jones series has been one of my favorite movie trilogies. So I went into this summer's "Crystal Skull" -- 20 some years after "The Last Crusade" -- with some skeptism. Turns out that I had good reason.From the start, I hated this movie. So much so that I contemplated lighting my hair on fire so I could run out of the theater for my life.
In the very first scene of the movie, Stephen Spielberg - a once great filmmaker - chose to pay homage to Raiders of the Lost Ark by shooting the first scene in the secret warehouse they stored away the Lost Ark in. Turns out that the secret warehouse was in Area 51. ...Who knew?!
This movie was a complete eye rolling gag fest from start to finish.
I rolled my eyes when a 60 something Harrison Ford - one of my favorite actors of the 80s -deadpaned a few hideous, cliche riden lines.
I kept rolling those same eyes when Indy was dragged out of a quicksand pit with a large snake - something that Indiana Jones of my youth hated...snakes!
My eyes continued to bulge out further and further from their very sockets as mindless contrived drivel spewed out of the actors mouths.
And my eyes nearly teared up and fell out of their sockets when Indiana Jones became E.T. and Close Encounters of the Third Kind rolled into one. I kid you not.
Indiana Jones is not supposed to be a sci-fi flick.
It was at this point, late in the movie where I turned to my wife and told her that I felt like crying. She and a couple people behind me laughed. The people next to us didn't laugh though because they were sleeping. Yes, sleeping through the first "big movie of the summer of 2008."
I thought George Lucas did an unforgivable thing when he introduced Jar Jar Binks to the Star Wars series. He topped himself by introducing aliens to Indiana Jones.
God, I hated this movie. ...
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