Thursday, January 31, 2008

Superbowl Brings Out the Gambler in All of Us

There was a time that Chosen One and I would sit in front of the TV on Sundays from morning until night and watch football. On a weekly basis, we'd religiously order a thin crusted Dominos Pizza, call Chosen One's chinese bookie and bet hundreds of dollars on football games we otherwise wouldn't care about if gambling wasn't involved. Sometimes, we won, but many times, our next day would be filled with trips to the ATM machine to hear the painful call of the ATM machine spitting out a fistful of 20s for fear that our legs would be broken should we not cover our latest bets.

With maturity and marriage, those days are long over though...
Since then, I've downscaled significantly. I placed a couple small $20 wagers with Mr. Lengyel, the 30-year-old gamer and a lunch bet with a Pats fan from my work. All of these Pats fans were hesitant to give me any points..Telling, huh?
I also got involved in a Superbowl boxes pool with Smelmooo friend's Truffle Shufflers - don't you just love all of the nicknames. At $10 a box, I picked boxes 56 and boxes 80. If you're a Giants fan you know the significance of those numbers. Unfortunately number 10 wasn't available.

There's 100 boxes -- making the total pot $1,000. Winner of Q1 gets 10%, Q2 (30%), Q3 (10%), Q4 -END OF 4TH QUARTER (50%). Numbers are drawn out of a hat before the game to determine what actual "team score" numbers I'll have for the Giants and Pats.
Wish me luck...any luck compared to what I used to have with football gambling would be something.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Eli sure looks suave doesn't he? Definitely suaver than Mr. "Panties in a" Bunchen

Weekly Hodge Podge

Here's a bit of a hodge podge on the things I've been thinking of lately:

1) I know that he's been talking a big game the whole season - and backing it up with his play - but I sure wish that Plaxico Burress would stop predicting that the Giants are going to win on Superbowl Sunday. It's dangerous to wake a sleeping pun intended.

2) Craig Carton -- of WFAN's Boomer and Carton -- is a complete idiot. He was talking this morning about how great it would be if the Giants won the Superbowl and Jerry Reese became the first black general manager in the history of the NFL to win the Superbowl.

He then said, "It's sad that we live in the year 2008 and an Afro American General Manager hasn't won the Superbowl yet." Talk about trying to make a politically correct statement and completely screwing it up by calling Jerry Reese an Afro American.

3) What are the Mets doing?

In a city where the backpage is constantly dominated by the New York Yankees, the Mets finally have a chance to make it onto the backpage with this steal of a trade of Johan Santana and they announce the deal on Media Day of Superbowl Week.

What horrible timing!

Even though the Mets experienced a historic collapse this season, they were overshadowed by the Yankees early in the offseason. The team literally went into hiding.

After the Yankees exited stage left from the playoffs, they completely dominated the New York headlines with stories about Joe Torre, Joe Girardi, Don Mattingly, Alex Rodriguez and even stories about how they were debating trading Phil "Pip" Hughes for Santana. The Yankees haven't been on the back pages in awhile and have been replaced by the Superbowl bound New York Giants...

So, I ask why do the Mets decide to announce this trade of baseball's best pitcher by announcing the news during the week of the Superbowl. It's a great trade for them. Don't get me wrong. I am so happy that the Mets made this trade for two reasons: 1) The Yankees didn't trade Phil Hughes who I absolutely believe can be a Number 1 starter in the MLBs for years to come; and 2) the Red Sox didn't get Santana which would have significantly shifted the balance of power in the AL East.

So, congrats to the Mets and their fans for making this no brainer trade. But they had the chance to be the toast of the town and get significally more newspaper, TV and radio coverage if they announced it after the Giants win the Superbowl....

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Is that the Red or the White?

I'm crazy...

Tonight, I was looking for something to eat for dinner and I thought that soup would be a good meal. I looked throughout the cabinet and thought to myself, I bet some clam chowder would hit the spot right about now. But as I went to reach for my can of Chunky Soup, I read the label: "New England Clam Chowder" and actually put the can back in the cabinet because it said New England on it.

I'm crazy...In reality though, I should have taken it out of the cabinet....and smashed it on the floor....


Is anyone interested in purchasing the Boston Globe's "19-0: The Historic Championship Season of New England's Unbeatable Patriots" on Here's the link if you're interested in purchasing it....before it actually ever happens...

What a bunch of presumptious, arrogant prick bastards.

Go Giants!

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Can Someone Please Shut up?

Right now, the Giants should be talking about how the New England Patriots are the best team in the entire century of professional sports and the entire world should bow down to them and kiss their high ankle sprains because of their dominance in the regular season.

Right now, the Giants should be talking about how in awe they are of Tom Brady's taste in women and how much of a big, standup father he is....

Right now, the Giants should be talking about how they are just simply pleased to play on the same field -- and hopefully toke on the same bong - that Randy Moss tokes on..

...they should be talking about how classy Patriots players like Rodney Harrison and Matt Light are....
....they should be talking about how great Lawrence Maroney is at disappearing in and out of games..
....they should be talking about how Tom Brady was limping the other day, just so he can get Giselle to feel bad for him and take off her top.

Above all, the Giants should NOT under any circumstances be trash talking the Patriots....and while the quotes from the past week from Osi and Plaxico weren't that bad -- if you heard and read the whole thing -- the team should not be trash talking the Pats.
While the quotes have been taken out of context and posted on the front page of every newspaper and website from here to kingdom come they still serve as bulletin board material for the 18-0 Patriots....And he Giants should not be giving the Patriots extra motivation....They should simply be shutting their mouths and go out there and play the game.

You always hear two things after teams win big games -- besides the usual, "I want to thank Jesus Christ Lord our Savior for helping me score that Touchdown."

Those two things are:

1) No one believed in us and we showed them.

2) They were talking a big game the whole week and we showed them.

Both are in play for Superbowl XLII and I'm hoping that the Giants trash talking won't lead us to hear point #2 after the game.
Athletes always need that little extra motivation. Sure, the fact that it's the Superbowl helps a ton, but when it gets down to it and the game is on the line, it's not about the game. It's about the players wanting to tear the other team's head off because of something they did or said to piss them off.

The Giants shouldn't be giving the Pats that extra motivation. They should simply keep their mouth shut.
Hopefully, no one is listening up in Boston, though. Hell, do those snobby a-holes up in Massachusetts even have TVs and the Internet yet?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Did You Know....or Were You Aware?

Did you know that a kicker wearing No. 9 kicked the Giants into Superbowls XXI and XLII?

Did you also know that the team that wins the Superbowl gets the last pick in April's NFL Draft. Well, it just so happens that 11 days before this year's Superbowl, the New York Football Giants were awarded with the last pick in the draft due to the fact that the Patriots lost their first round pick - I'm not counting the pick they have from the 49ers - as a result of the whole Spygate scandal.

Did you know that Tom Brady - on his way to see girlfriend Giselle "Don't Get Your Victoria Secret Panties in a" Bundchen - is a girlie man?

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


God damnit. Why did Sports Illustrated decide to put Eli on this week's edition. For any of you out there who know all about the S.I. cover jinx, you know why I'm pissed off. And the fact that Dr. Z, who never correctly picks the winner of any NFL game, picked the Giants to win the Superbowl infuriates me even further.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Giants Beat Packers, Advance to Superbowl XLII

Lawrence Tynes almost killed me tonight.

I told my friends at the beginning of the night that I would be happy if the game was on the line and Tynes was given a chance to win the game for the Giants. I was confident as Tynes hadn't missed a FG in awhile. This was the same Tynes that during the beginning of the season was literally skewered by New York fans and the media for missing extra points and easy chip shot field goals....And you just knew....knew with a passion that he was going to have to kick a big kick in the postseason.

Well, it did come down to that one perfect moment. Tynes had a chance to send my team to the Superbowl if he could just make a 36 yard FG. I stood up, said all the typical Catholic prayers under my breath and I thought that God was on my side.....But then Tynes missed it. And I literally thought that the game and Giants season was over.

And it started to look exactly that way as the Packers and the vaunted Brett Favre took the field to drive his team toward a Superbowl appearance against the New England Patriots...But on the second play of the Packer drive, Giants CB Corey Webster -- another guy who had been beaten up all season long -- picked off the Hall of Famer and the Giants were on their way.

The team then only gained 5 yards or so...and then...again... it came down to Lawrence Tynes... This time around, I didn't bother to hope or pray...because I had no confidence that he would make a 47 yard field goal - from the same right hash mark; only 10 yards further back then the last one he missed. ... Well, somehow, inexplicably...Tynes knocked it threw from 47 (that kick would have been good from 57 yards), sending the Giants to Superbowl XLII against the New England Patriots....And I could not believe it for a second ...

Eli Manning, as he has this entire postseason played fabulous. He threw for 245 yards on the day and made a number of clutch 1st downs to keep multiple Giants drives alive. Plaxico played lights out against Faux Pro Bowler and Real Cheapshot Artist Al Harris. And Ahmad Bradshaw continued to impress me.

The defense also came up huge, once again, and if not for a 90 yard TD throw to Donald Driver, gave up less than 200 yards of total offense to the Packers explosive offense. I thought that on both sides of the ball the Giants thoroughly outplayed the Packers, even if the final score didn't indicate it.

This Giants playoff run has been such a satisfying and wonderful ride this year. Probably one of the most satisfying playoff runs that I've ever witness before. ...and it Two Weeks against the Undefeated New England Patriots in Superbowl XLII. Can the Giants keep defying the odds and the critics? Let's hope so...

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Show Me The Money

I don't care what you did in the past Mr. Bush. You may have been the worst president in the history of America. You may have wrecked every piece of America's financial, moral and social fabric across the world. Your crushing of the economy might have been the last fuck you that you give to America before you go, but if you send me and my wife a check for $1600, I will love you forever.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Entertain Me ...with Friday Night Lights

What's wrong with America?

In the past, I've talked about how great shows like The Wire and Arrested Development were critically acclaimed by TV critics, but not watched by the general public. I now feel the same way about Friday Night Lights.

I've heard about the show in the past, but honestly had never watched it. Apparently, I wasn't alone as various times during the first season, NBC considered cancelling it due to a low ratings. I got the opportunity to watch the first episodes of Season 1 last night and I think it's one of the best shows I've ever watched.

The show surrounds a small Texas town who loves high school football...literally more than they love life. There are stories around many of the football players, cheerleaders, the coach and the team's booster.

During the first 3 episodes, one of the star players on the team gets paralyzed during a game. The town is completely floored by the event, not because of the kid's health, but because they are worried about losing their star player. There are plenty of times during the show where you really wonder what people are thinking and the importance they place on high school football.

It's a dramatic, powerful show that I highly recommend it.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

American Idol: Season 7

The most popular TV show in America returned last night to the airwaves....No, I'm not referring to the NFL Network's rebroadcast of the NY Giants-Cowboys game. ... I'm talking about AMERICAN IDOL.

I used to be one of the haters. I used to think the show was for girls. But after watching various episodes the past couple years with my wife, I've grown to love the show. From the competitive nature of the show to the crazy, psychotic people who try out in strange costumes, there are so many things about this show that are great.

Last night, the premiere of Season 7 of American Idol was no different. It was a freak fest from start to finish:
  • There was a fat guy in the Princess Leia prisoner costume from Return of the Jedi.

  • There was a crazy chick who looked like a cross between Willem Dafoe and Rainbow Bright.

  • There was a scary dude singing a song about stalking Paula Abdul.

  • There was a weird old dude singing a song about how celibacy was awesome.

And there definitely was some good singers smattered in here and there. But overall, the night was ruled by freaks. It'll be a few weeks and about 10 hours into the show before the good singers rule the day.

Monday, January 14, 2008

I Hate Troy Aikman

Everytime, the Cowboys made a bad play, Troy Aikman had an excuse for it.

Everytime, the Giants made a good play, Troy Aikman didn't credit the Giants.

At the end of the game, he said that the Giants win had to make the Cowboys organization sick. think he's bias?

I've thought all season long that Troy Aikman was a homer for the Cowboys and last night he didn't disappoint. It was atrocious how much he was openly cheering for the Cowboys to win against the Giants. I'm surprised he didn't clap when they scored their TDs. I think it's wrong when John Sterling gets excited after Yankees wins, but it is somewhat understandable because he's been the radio voice of the Yankees for so long.
Troy Aikman might have been the Cowboys QB, but he has no excuse for openly cheering for his old team when he's a national TV broadcast. No excuse.

Should Jessica Be Concerned?

"This is not about Tony [Romo]," said Terrell Owens. "You guys can point the finger at him, you can talk about the vacation, and if you do that, it's really unfair," Owens said, his voice choked with emotion. "It's really unfair. That's my teammate. That's my quarterback. You guys do that, it's not fair. We lost as a team. We lost as a team, man."

You really had to see it to believe it. But I think Jessica should seriously be worried that T.O. might want to steal her man

Giants Advance, Send Romo Back to Cabo


I am speechless right now. I'm shaking. I seriously almost just threw up.
I can't believe how the Giants game against the Cowboys just ended. Eli played great despite being pressured by the Cowboys defense the whole game. Sure, throwing for 2 TDs and 163 yards isn't sexy, but he got it done - like that big, big drive at the end of the first half where he led the Giants to an important TD in 46 seconds. Amani Toomer was great again catching both of Eli's TDs and coming up with a lot of big first down plays.

But the game ball doesn't go to Eli or Toomer. The game ball goes to the entire Giants defense who held the vaunted Cowboys offense to 17 points. Romo played okay, but was clearly rattled by the Giants pressure. And I thought there were times in the first half where the Dallas offense was running Barber so much because something was up with Romo's thumb. Sure, Barber killed the Giants all day long - so that clearly had something to do with it -- but it definitely wasn't the same Tony Romo. Maybe he had a sun burn or something. Or maybe he drank the water in Mexico.

So, the Giants advance to the NFC Championship Game next week against the Green Bay Packers. It's supposed to be 12 degrees in Green Bay. One person won't mind though. Tony Romo has already re-booked his room from last week in Cabo. Hopefully that room comes with a complimentary box of tissues...

Thursday, January 10, 2008

A Distraction?

I hope Tony Romo has his mind on this when Justin Tuck and Osi Umeniyora are charging him from both ends.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

An Awesome American Gladiator Experience!!

The new American Gladiators is pure awesomeness.

I grew up watching the old American Gladiators and really, really loved it. When I heard that it was coming back on TV, I was psyched and truly beyond excited...

When my wife and I watched it on Sunday and Monday night, it surpassed all of our expectations. One minute, we were literally on the edge of our seat cheering and then in the next minute on the floor laughing from the show's unintentional comedy value. It is completely utterly awesome.
If you are unfamiliar with the show - first, shame on you -- it is sort of an athletic competition where regular joe's and jane's go against steroid meatheads and buffed athletic chicks. The regular joe's and jane's compete in games that test their endurance, strength and quickeness. While it seems like they wouldn't have a chance in hell to beat the American Gladiators, a large majority of the time they do.

My personal favorite Gladiators are Venom (shown above) and Wolf (who howls everytime his character is announced.)

I highly, highly recommend American Gladiators. What an awesome, awesome show.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Eli Answers Critics, Leads Giants Over Bucs

Eli Manning finally answered the critics yesterday against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers...finally.

The media always centers on how Eli does. He's always the reason that the Giants win or lose...even when it's not totally to his credit or to his fault. In the ridiculous media market that is NYC, Eli is constantly scruntized for being inconsistent and never winning a game in the playoffs. Well, yesterday against the Bucs he finally stepped up in the postseason throwing for 180+ yards and 2 TDs with no turnovers. He has presence in the pocket. He pump faked when passing lanes weren't opened and he ultimately played smart.

In the first quarter of yesterday's game, I'll admit that I was worried. The Giants had -2 yards in total offense and looked lackluster. In the 2nd Quarter they picked it up lead by some smart playcalling - again, finally - by Giants Offensive Coordinator Kevin Gilbride and the emergence of Ahmad Bradshaw as a quick, change of pace running back. And after the negative first quarter, the team had 279 yards in the final 3 Quarters.

Next week, the Giants face the Cowboys for the 3rd time this season. The team is 8-1 on the road this year, their only loss coming in a 45-35 loss to the Cowboys. I really think the team has a great shot against Dallas. I really do. The Cowboys are banged up and you could only hope that Jessica Simpson will be there to jinx her boyfriend Tony Romo.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Exciting News!!

Paperboy Enterprises Inc. is proud to announce the formation of, a new, cutting edge blog that will explore high society fashion in Washington DC and Metuchen, NJ.

"Butt Love From The Smelone" will bring together the two nutty minds of Smelmooo and the Chosen One. These two avid readers of the Deliveries of the Paperboy met one fateful day on Deliveries of the Paperboy's comment board. Since then, they've shared countless laughs in their quest to serve as the devil's advocate for every solid gold blog entry from The Paperboy.

"It's a relationship that I've watch blossom from the very beginning," said The Paperboy. "I'll be the first one to sign up to refute their blogs on how Josh McNown and Todd Collins are the future superstar QBs of the Raiders and the Redskins respectively."

Readers interested in learning more about this new blog, can visit Be prepared to pay for this hot blog with a monthly fee of a case of Amstel Light or Cocoa Butter.